There are parts of ourselves that we want to just throw into the deep end of the pool and never have to look at again, things we can not stand about ourselves. Then as age mellows us we can either drain the pool so we can deal with all the stuff we have thrown in, or we can risk drowning and jump in and try to deal with it while holding our breath. I would rather do it while being able to breathe and not be in a hurry. So, I think that is what is happening in my life these days, drain the pool and see what I have thrown in there.

Holding the space...

Today and recently I have been thinking about the space that remains when a person whom you care about is no longer there. It doesn't seem to matter if they moved away, left you with a broken heart or have passed on.
I always feel the space that they walked in is still there, it is as if I am holding the space for them to return to it. Whether they do or not is not really a concern for my heart, it is for God and the Spirits to care for.
There have been friends in my past who have left, some under difficult circumstances, some who have passed on into death from this life, pursuing the next life. After the person is no longer there, I still feel them there. It is as if it is a sacred duty to hold that space for them, so that when they return that place will draw them back once more to continue to walk our path together, no matter how long. I find this is a feeling full of hope and presence, always in my heart.

Wednesday, So, I just looked at my calendar and noticed that tomorrow is Earth day. I remember when I was thirteen that in Vermont there was a day each Spring that was called Green Up Day, which I hardily joined in on. It was fun. My friend Tim and I went out in back of his house where there were some woods. I remember cleaning up any junk that was around. I do recall that there were other neighbors too. Wonder if that was on Earth Day, just by a different name in Vermont?
I am painting the doors in my condo, a nice shade of red called calif. poppy. Inspired by the colors I have seen in various Buddhist settings. The trim on the door will be a color called sweet mandarin, a sort of burnt orange color. I wonder what my daughter will say when she comes home from college and sees it!
While reading the book "Divine Beauty" I came across this piece by Juan Ramon Jimenez called Oceans.
I have a feeling that my boat
has struck, down there in the depths,
against a great thing.
And nothing
happens! Nothing........Silence.......Waves
Nothing happens? Or has everything happened,
And are we standing now, quietly, in the new life?

Words

I have often wanted to write, the reason is that I can get to know what is on my inside better by seeing it in words and maybe gain some sort of understanding that is not available to my mind in other ways. Also, to allow other people to understand and have a glimpse into the quiet valleys and around the corners of my inside that are not out in the open.

I am now 51 years old, hopefully have gained some wisdom from all the life that has passed through me and some of it remains in bits and pieces of the full story that is my life.

Yet, right now I need to go eat my breakfast and do my morning sitting. I am listening to John O' Donohue at the moment. A wonderful Irish poet/philosopher, a set of cds called "Bless this Space Between us" He died a few years ago yet left a rich treasury of his work on which to draw. I urge you to find and listen to what inspires you in your heart.