I got no control.

Thinking of the Eddie Money song with the title.
I am feeling just so lost today, lost with no direction because it all leads back to me and that is one thing I can not run from, at least not in a healthy way anyways. I do have a feeling that this is a normal feeling for a man of my age range. The desire to give more back and not be locked up into giving almost all of my energy to work that no longer gives me life, but seems to drain me more each day. Too many rules and regs. to live by, no autonomy on the horizon!
So what is on the horizon? Right now it is very dark, kind of like when t is two hours before the Sun comes up and daylight happens. I know that sometimes that two hours can last years, and after a lot of wrestling with my shadows I can clearly see it's face, the demon that haunts me, all the time yet can not be seen, just felt. I do get very scared of it at times, thinking "what do you want from me" I fear I know the truth inside and yet am not at this moment not having the courage to face it, but it is there just waiting for me to open the door, the door to freedom.
Kevin